Falling down the garden steps into a blog

30 Jan

I’m starting a blog. Not because I want to be a blogger. No, I’m starting a blog because I’m afraid to start a blog.

I’ve been in the process of transforming myself and my life since May 2011 when, while at work, I went up in a blaze of phosphorus and magnesium glory like  4th of July pyrotechnics and never went back. Definitely not planned or expected.

Divine forces catapulted me out of that job and into the life I didn’t even know I wanted; into a life I could dream up and create as I went along.

As my life began to come together in a new way and the divine energy of the cosmos began showing  off its’ “magic tricks”, I shared my experiences with my girlfriends and found that they were also in the midst of calling in new ways of being and new ways of living.

My days were filled with sitting in the yard watching the dogs, watching the birds, butterflies and bees, reading, meditating, doing yoga, studying various metaphysical and esoteric teachings, gardening, cooking, creating gatherings of girlfriends.

My life took on deeper meaning and expanded with opportunities.

I filled a journal as I tried to keep track of all the wonderful things that were happening. I couldn’t stop writing. I started to fill another journal.

Friends began to tell me that I should start a blog about my experiences.

“I’m not a writer”, I would reply. “There’s a million blogs out there.” “I have nothing to say.” These became standard responses. And yet, I would think, maybe I DID have something to add to the mix. Nah…..I’m not a writer.

Flash forward to December 2011, seven months after the Big Bang at work.

I can’t get the idea of a blog out of my head. At that point I decide that I have to start a blog just to get it out of system so I can move on to other things in my life.

I do nothing about the blog. I’m afraid to do a blog. I know nothing of blogging. I subscribe to a couple of blogs about blogging.

Flash forward to early January. I’m working with a friend on her vision board for her business. This friend, I’ve known since High School, although we lost touch for many years. My new life, as it expanded, reached out and reconnected with her and pulled her into my tribe.

As we work on identifying what she’s dreaming up for her personal fitness coaching business, she mentions that she has to start posting again to her blog. She already has a blog. She went to college and knows how to write. I know this because I’ve read her blog.

This sparks me up, although not as intensely as my self-immolation of May 2011, and I say, “I’m going to start a blog. Let’s make an agreement and hold each other accountable for starting our blogs.” We decide on a date and spit in our palms and shake hands. Not really. We did decide on a date, January 31st , as do-able. “Baby steps”, I tell her. She already has a blog, so all she has to do it write about starting up her blog again. Me, I have to start from scratch, and I know nothing.

Flash forward to this past weekend. Pretty close to January 31st and I haven’t done one cotton-picking thing to start my blog. It’s been on my mind as I gardened and cooked and went to a girl-friend’s get-together. But I did nothing to actually start.

Funny thing about the universe. It will support you when you need support or it will help you blow yourself up (May 2011) when you need a kick in the butt.

Yesterday, after a full-of-wonder day of cooking brunch for recently-married son, his super wife, my younger son and dear friend/ room-mate, gardening and planting, playing with dogs, cleaning up, etc. I tripped and fell.

I didn’t technically trip, because there was nothing there to trip over. No, I just put my foot wrong,  twisted my ankle badly and fell down the steps of the garden terrace. It was a pratfall of falls. Even the birds were laughing. I however was howling like a coyote with fresh kill. Fortunately my younger son was home and he came running to help me.

Long story short; My ankle is sprained and I am fine.

Two things I flashed on very quickly after it happened:

1. the episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon is worried about falling at home while alone

2. now I have no excuse to not sit down and start the blog.

So Here I am. Sharing my experiences as I move, (or sit) through my life.

I have fears, mostly unfounded and I am determined to face them and move through them.

I invite you to join me on the journey, our journey, as I face these fears and share with you how silly I am, they are.

In future posts, I will tell you the story of why I named my blog “Live as Love”, (yes, my first choices “Legends of the Fall” and “I’ll Tumble For You” were already taken) what else I’m afraid of, how gardening saved my life and other stuff I’ll make up as I go along.

In love and light,

Laura

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14 Responses to “Falling down the garden steps into a blog”

  1. sharon mayberry January 31, 2012 at 1:43 am #

    Oh Laura, I am so glad to see this blog. I knew you were going through some serious changes ( how’s that phrase for a blast from past) and I was beginning to worry. I am so glad you chose writing as a way to work thru to the other side (Ah, Jeez, that’s Jim Morrison isn’t it?). as u know, i have always considered you a naturally gifted writer, so I look forward to following your journey. Here and privately when u wish. Love U mucho. Aunt S. brave brave brave niece i never had and am so glad i now do.

    • lauraelizabethlove January 31, 2012 at 3:21 am #

      Thank you Sharon, for registering in order to comment, for your support and for saying I’m “naturally gifted writer” and “brave”, neither of which I consider myself to be. I’m grateful for you, Auntie S!

      • sharon mayberry January 31, 2012 at 4:23 am #

        I often get gushy and sentimental, but I do confine my mush to the realm of honesty. You have always been a writer with a natural, literate style, a rarity itself, but I knew there was more going on in summer past year when you said casually that you were heading out to garden to make “another slice of pretty.” I am so looking forward to more posts on this here Blog!!

      • lauraelizabethlove January 31, 2012 at 7:56 pm #

        I can accept honest mush Auntie S! Most, if not all, of what was going on last summer will be revealed in future posts. I hope you enjoy!

  2. vanessa January 31, 2012 at 3:41 am #

    Ah, “not a writer”. You can’t start off you blog by lying! So, you may be a little rusty. You’re a writer. Can’t wait to read your posts! And watch your step… you’re too young for a senior citizen monitoring bracelet.

    • lauraelizabethlove January 31, 2012 at 7:49 pm #

      Thank you Vanessa! My intention is to stay on my feet and off the senior citizen mailing lists for the time being!

  3. Mojo February 1, 2012 at 2:15 am #

    I love it!!! I laughed so hard. It just flows your natural ability to express yourself. Can’t wait to see your beautiful journey unfold dear sister-friend 🙂 Thank you for sharing.

    • lauraelizabethlove February 1, 2012 at 5:15 am #

      You laughed at me twisting my ankle and falling? I thought you were my friend…Just kidding. Thanks for the Reiki treatment. My ankle improved almost immediately.

  4. Cynthia Tasker February 2, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

    Laura, I am, as usual, infinitely impressed with your courage, talent, and ability to see through the bullshit and follow your path to peace and love! Speaking as someone whose life also blew up like the “4th of July”, I know a thing or 2 about having to change my vision of what I thought my life was all about. I did not have time to contemplate what path I would take, I just made a choice and worked my ass off to get there. I like your way better! I did read one book that helped me see through the fog I was in, The 4 Agreements. I try to live by what I learned from that book every day. I don’t always succeed, but I do the best I can, which, by the way, is the 4th agreement! I will be eager to hear more about your experiences, either here or in person! I have always found writing to be the best way to express my feelings and you truly have the gift for writing in a way to which everyone can relate. I can also relate to the falling incident since, as you know, I have quite a bit of experience in that area! So, stay upright and keep writing. I am anxiously awaiting your next posting! I love you more than my Nook! See you soon.

    • lauraelizabethlove February 2, 2012 at 9:54 pm #

      Did you know I was always looking to have the kind of courage, talent and ability that you have in spades? Thank you for your kind words and support through “sick and sin”. You are a true-blue friend.

  5. Lisa Mahri February 7, 2012 at 9:54 pm #

    I LOVE your blog and will be sure to follow !! I also had a life changing epiphany! You are inspiring and funny and insightful , maybe you did not realize this, but yes, you CAN write! And very well, I will add. I was laughing my inspired butt off!! You are so funny, open and honest and best of all so real! Looking forward to reading more ! ^.^

    • lauraelizabethlove February 9, 2012 at 5:37 pm #

      there’s a lot of that life-changing epiphany stuff going around! let’s continue to share our stories, our struggles, triumphs, joys and fears. there’s support in numbers. and thank you for your support – let’s talk in real-time soon! xoxox

  6. Melanie Bush February 8, 2012 at 3:37 am #

    LoLo, I wrote the following last night to a friend who expressed to me how distant she felt from me …. “I have been distant, I think. Perhaps because my life was so busy I barely had time for myself let alone beautiful, loving, friends like you far far away. I know it sounds like a terrible excuse but now that I’m not working, not smoking, not stressed, not anxious I have the gift of hindsight and it makes sense to me. Keeping in touch takes time and energy and I’m so happy that I’m in a place where I can use that time and energy towards reaching out and connecting to you, and all my friends that I’ve neglected for so long.”

    I love that you have begun this blog LoLo. Believe or not, yours is actually the first I’ve read (with the exception of Julie’s in the book Julie and Julia). Now I’ve read yours and the replies that your fans have shared. Thanks to your friend Cynthia Tasker I now know about the 4 Agreements. I will learn more because I too have emerged from a fog and need direction.

    So there are blessings in a skinned knee. Thank you for starting this journey and I’m looking forward to walking next to you.

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    Mel

    • lauraelizabethlove February 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

      Ay Mel! your story is MY story, is our story. we dive deep, deep underwater to survive and parse out meaning to our lives. To resurface takes time and often requires diving back down to the depths again. When we don’t have the energy for anything but ourselves and our children, it’s the way to survive. I was in a “cave” for two years after my mom died.

      Taking time, REAL time, quiet, not-doing anything “productive” time is the surest way to come back to wholeness. Keep coming back to your center, my dear, long-distance friend, and you will find the joy and energy to close the distance with your friends.

      Remember that all of your friends, like the moon behind clouds, are here waiting for you when you surface.

      Thank you for reading my blog, I’m right chuffed to be in company with Julie and Julia! And the fact that it has helped you, shows me, very clearly, why I’m called to continue sharing my experiences.

      Very soon, I’ll post a list of things that worked to bring me out of my cave, open my heart and enable me to live as love.

      Love to you!
      Lolo

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