Archive | January, 2012

Falling down the garden steps into a blog

30 Jan

I’m starting a blog. Not because I want to be a blogger. No, I’m starting a blog because I’m afraid to start a blog.

I’ve been in the process of transforming myself and my life since May 2011 when, while at work, I went up in a blaze of phosphorus and magnesium glory like  4th of July pyrotechnics and never went back. Definitely not planned or expected.

Divine forces catapulted me out of that job and into the life I didn’t even know I wanted; into a life I could dream up and create as I went along.

As my life began to come together in a new way and the divine energy of the cosmos began showing  off its’ “magic tricks”, I shared my experiences with my girlfriends and found that they were also in the midst of calling in new ways of being and new ways of living.

My days were filled with sitting in the yard watching the dogs, watching the birds, butterflies and bees, reading, meditating, doing yoga, studying various metaphysical and esoteric teachings, gardening, cooking, creating gatherings of girlfriends.

My life took on deeper meaning and expanded with opportunities.

I filled a journal as I tried to keep track of all the wonderful things that were happening. I couldn’t stop writing. I started to fill another journal.

Friends began to tell me that I should start a blog about my experiences.

“I’m not a writer”, I would reply. “There’s a million blogs out there.” “I have nothing to say.” These became standard responses. And yet, I would think, maybe I DID have something to add to the mix. Nah…..I’m not a writer.

Flash forward to December 2011, seven months after the Big Bang at work.

I can’t get the idea of a blog out of my head. At that point I decide that I have to start a blog just to get it out of system so I can move on to other things in my life.

I do nothing about the blog. I’m afraid to do a blog. I know nothing of blogging. I subscribe to a couple of blogs about blogging.

Flash forward to early January. I’m working with a friend on her vision board for her business. This friend, I’ve known since High School, although we lost touch for many years. My new life, as it expanded, reached out and reconnected with her and pulled her into my tribe.

As we work on identifying what she’s dreaming up for her personal fitness coaching business, she mentions that she has to start posting again to her blog. She already has a blog. She went to college and knows how to write. I know this because I’ve read her blog.

This sparks me up, although not as intensely as my self-immolation of May 2011, and I say, “I’m going to start a blog. Let’s make an agreement and hold each other accountable for starting our blogs.” We decide on a date and spit in our palms and shake hands. Not really. We did decide on a date, January 31st , as do-able. “Baby steps”, I tell her. She already has a blog, so all she has to do it write about starting up her blog again. Me, I have to start from scratch, and I know nothing.

Flash forward to this past weekend. Pretty close to January 31st and I haven’t done one cotton-picking thing to start my blog. It’s been on my mind as I gardened and cooked and went to a girl-friend’s get-together. But I did nothing to actually start.

Funny thing about the universe. It will support you when you need support or it will help you blow yourself up (May 2011) when you need a kick in the butt.

Yesterday, after a full-of-wonder day of cooking brunch for recently-married son, his super wife, my younger son and dear friend/ room-mate, gardening and planting, playing with dogs, cleaning up, etc. I tripped and fell.

I didn’t technically trip, because there was nothing there to trip over. No, I just put my foot wrong,  twisted my ankle badly and fell down the steps of the garden terrace. It was a pratfall of falls. Even the birds were laughing. I however was howling like a coyote with fresh kill. Fortunately my younger son was home and he came running to help me.

Long story short; My ankle is sprained and I am fine.

Two things I flashed on very quickly after it happened:

1. the episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon is worried about falling at home while alone

2. now I have no excuse to not sit down and start the blog.

So Here I am. Sharing my experiences as I move, (or sit) through my life.

I have fears, mostly unfounded and I am determined to face them and move through them.

I invite you to join me on the journey, our journey, as I face these fears and share with you how silly I am, they are.

In future posts, I will tell you the story of why I named my blog “Live as Love”, (yes, my first choices “Legends of the Fall” and “I’ll Tumble For You” were already taken) what else I’m afraid of, how gardening saved my life and other stuff I’ll make up as I go along.

In love and light,